Found Around The House - Doughnuts With Dad - Dadstractions

Found Around The House – Doughnuts With Dad

Jun 06, 13 Found Around The House – Doughnuts With Dad

So, as promised during the Muffins With Mom review, here is Chris’s Doughnuts With Dad write-up for his dear ol’ Dad.  You may have heard something about this already.

So, I got to attend Doughnuts With Dad with Chris and we had a good time. We walked into school together and he showed me around. They had coffee and juice out for dads and kids and we sat down at his desk and had some doughnuts. The teacher showed a video and then read a book about a dad and his kid on a camping trip. Afterward, we got to make paper airplanes and fly them around outside. I enjoyed spending my time with Chris and I think he enjoyed having me visit his school and spending some time with him.

Then he showed me what he had written for me…

Doughnuts2

  1. My dad’s name is: “Brian”  – Not “Hey” so that’s a start
  2. My dad’s favorite food is: “Chicken Wings” – I do love me some Buffalo Wings. +1
  3. His favorite restaurant is: “KFC” – Never mind. -1
  4. In his free time, my dad likes to: “Talk with my mom” – Kids DO say the darndest things!
  5. When I am at school, my dad is: “working” – Tru dat!
  6. My dad likes the color: “Blue” – Good going Chris!
  7. When he was my age, my Dad liked to: “Play with Legos” – Again, Chris seems to know me.
  8. Dad’s job is: “to be a dad” – Existentially, sure.
  9. He likes his job because: “He likes being a dad” – The pay could be better though…
  10. My dad’s favorite holiday is: “Christmas” – I would have also accepted “Halloween”
  11. He likes that holiday because: “he is off of work” – OK, well, I don’t get Halloween off, so kudos Chris!
  12. My dad likes it when I: “am creative” – I would have also accepted “quiet”.
  13. What my dad likes best about being a father is: “He can yell at me”Um, wut? 
  14. His favorite sport is: “football” – I can count the number of times I’ve watched Football around Chris. Chris is seven and in that time there have been seven Superbowls.  Seven.  Then again, it’s the only sport I’ve watched around him so, from his point of view, Football IS my favorite sport. +1
  15. My dad is very special to me because: “he is funny” – That’s how I landed my beautiful wife! +1

I leave you with the artist’s rendering:

 

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Yes, that’s from a picture I took to text to my wife when I was trying on frames. DON’T JUDGE ME!

 

 

 

 

  • PapaBear1975

    I stumbled upon this blog a few weeks ago and I have to say some things disturb me. This is just one psychotherapist’s opinion, but I gotta get this off my chest.

    Going off of solely what I know about you from your articles, I get the sense that there are three children in this family. (I don’t mean to insult you, I would say this to your face if you were in my office.) The relationship you describe between you and your son sounds more like a sibling rivalry than a father-son relationship. While I don’t believe I have seen you put this into words, the subtext I get is that he annoys you, like a little brother. All parents are annoyed by their children, but your description of your reactions to him seem to be more than what normal parents go through. It’s almost a visceral reaction to him.

    In one of your posts you recognized that you and he share a lot of the same traits. You said, “He is lackadaisical, inconsiderate and willful. Pretty much every single trait I had as a child “. I would argue, again, only from what you have shared with us, that the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree and you recognize that. As a child you/we didn’t/don’t see ourselves through the eyes of the world. The ability to do that comes with age and experience. Now that you are the adult you see how his behaviors are viewed through, not only, yours eyes, but society’s as well. Recognizing yourself in him, you are personally embarrassed and maybe ashamed that this is how you behaved as a child and, as a parent, you are embarrassed and ashamed because his behavior reflects on you and your parenting abilities. Or so you think. In your head, I would bet, your thoughts are “why can’t he just stop?!?!” The frustration comes out in a yell.

    It seems to me that you may have some issues with yourself to deal with and get out of the way in order to be an effective parent. You can do this if you work at it.

    A few things on this blog concern me, though. One is this quote: “My son and I do not have the greatest of relationships.” This concerns me because your child is–what– seven years old? This is something I usually hear parents with adult children say. When a child is a child, the only relationship he or she should have with his parents is that of teacher and student; nurturer and nurtured and disciplinarian and disciplined. If what you meant by that line was “I am not my child’s best friend”, then I say “Good for you. You will raise a fully functioning human being.”

    The other concern I have is that you post your children’s names and pictures on your blog. I generally get squeamish when I see parents being careless with this type of thing. Above all relationship-types you should have with your child is that of protector and protected. Putting your children’s names and identities out on a public forum is unsettling. Add to that the fact that your children’s generation is extensively more tech-savvy than ours ever was and you may run this risk of your child’s peers discovering this blog one day and teasing him for it.

    If you will take my advice, let me relate the story of one of my patients. He was a father who, like you, recognized his own traits in his son. When he was a child, he was the “class clown”. He always made faces when pictures were taken, never took anything seriously, etc. He was also an very talented and gifted artist-type. He love and played music; he made home movies as soon as he learned to figure out his parents’ video camera. At first his parents were tickled by it all and encouraged it. That is, until he reached middle school age when he started expressing a desire to make a career in either music or film. His parents began to change their tone. He believes now that they were trying to prepare him for the harsh realities of those businesses: “No one ever makes it in that business”, etc. At his young age, he internalized that as, “we think it’s cute that you can do these things, but you’re not good enough to make it.” Still, he was a dreamer and he could not stop following his passion. So, he ignored them or fought with them in moments like that and pressed on. In his twenties, his confidence in his ability to achieve his goals was shot. So he went down the beaten path. After finishing college, he got a corporate job and failed. He worked in the family business and should have failed, but his father wouldn’t fire him. He then started his own business and failed. Along this path he met a woman and they had children. When he was in his early thirties he decided to finally follow his heart and talents, but found he didn’t have the self-esteem or confidence to do it in an effective manner. He went through a dark period when he began to have suicidal thoughts and tendencies.

    While all this was happening, he still had to be a father. His son was much like him. And soon he began to recognize his parents in his own behavior when it came to rearing the child. After a year or so on my couch, he has made great strides in raising his child the way he feels he should have been raised. Not from his child-self’s perspective, but his perspective as an adult. He wants his child to be happier, wealthier and generally better off than he was. And he knew before coming to me that the child’s ability to do that comes from the sense of self-worth the parents instill in that child. Not from Pollyanna stuff like everyone getting a medal for showing up. But from strong encouragement where appropriate and smart discipline when require. To put it in pop culture terms, the Honey Boo-Boos of the world yell and yell. The Drummonds sit and talk.

    Best of luck to you and I hope you took this with the good intentions it was written with.

    • I’m going to respond to this as if you were trying to write this to be constructive and with good intentions as you said, and not to troll. Far be it for me to not foster constructive conversation, even if it is at my expense. Please don’t destroy my fragile faith in the interwebs.

      Part of what I write on this blog is about issues that I think others (especially other parents) can identify with (I have plenty of personal issues to write about, trust me). The other part is a cornucopia of pop culture, fart jokes and whatever else tickles my fancy.

      The yelling, for me, was due to frustration and not knowing how to effectively communicate with my son when our tempers ran high. I’ve identified the problem and I’m going with the line that I’m a recovering yeller.

      I’m not my children’s best friend and I am not striving to be. What I’m striving to be is a more involved father who has a relationship with his kids where they don’t look back in twenty years and go WTF? I don’t want them to remember a childhood of constant yelling and feeling terrible.

      Lastly, I’m surprised you left such a long comment, instead of trying to contact me directly, and no way for me to contact you. It started to turn into tl;dr.

      Thanks for participating in the conversation.

      • PapaBear1975

        No, I am no troll. Just like to scan the “interwebs”. Normally I don’t comment on blogs, but I was compelled to here. I hope you didn’t think I was attacking you. I was genuinely trying to offer a point of view that may be worth considering for you. In all honesty, I intended to comment on my concern about identifying your child online and sharing these stories with his name and face attached to them. But, when I re-read it before commenting, I had a few more things to add.

        Bottom line is, as a fellow father, I understand the frustration and these children of ours don’t come with an instruction manual, to use a way over-used cliche. I found that all advice, even if it made me look hard at myself, ended up being helpful.

        And, yes, I can get long-winded. Sorry for the long comment. I chose to post it as comment instead of contacting you directly for the sake of other people going through the same things or the people who may have the same concerns about being too free with your family’s business. Good luck to you